The Glass

Somewhere along the way, we are each told about the glass half-empty, glass half-full take on life; something about ‘perspective’ and ‘it’s all how you look at it’. Well I know that we are given an eternal perspective when we are children of the King…and honestly, I don’t really know how that affects our interpretation on the water level in the glass, but I do KNOW that perspective has greatly increased my ability to feel, to love, and to grieve. It’s like the wells of my heart have been deepened over the past 10 months, drilled out, and pressed to the very aching bottom of my soul. For such a long time I have been striving to balance this onslaught of emotions and thoughts, continually laying them down at the cross…but today, as I was driving with the kids down a beautiful road with autumn-laden trees arching over from both sides, I realized something profound, well at least for me. I have two glasses!!! And BOTH are brimming full, overflowing with an outpour of bubbling, frothy, and oh-so-real emotion. This song has been on repeat in my mind the past several days:


You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my All in All.

When I fall down you pick me up.

When I am dry you fill my cup.

You are my All in All.

Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is Your Name!

Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is Your Name!

My cups are full…one is a tarnished, slightly cracked, and sloshing around pure grief: the deep sadness I feel over the loss of our baby and the hollow emptiness that still echoes from my body occasionally, the intense longing for my two children that are still half way around the world and the desperation that threatens to overtake me every time we are told there has been another delay, and that sneaking reality that I am carrying some form of bitterness over it all…it all makes me so sad.

The other is different. It is beautiful, but simple. Shining, but not gaudy. The other is brimming with JOY. True, pure, holy joy that is replenished every day, each morning with every new mercy, every evening with un-surpassing peace, with each twinkle in my children’s eyes or sweet giggle from their mouths, the warm and protective embrace of my loving man, the comfort and encouragement from so many wise friends, support and prayers from those we’ve never met, and rising from the Word of Truth until I am overflowing.

So, how to reconcile the two? That’s where I stand now…but I’m beginning to think they are not so separate. Maybe just two sides to the same glass? I do know that I have not been forsaken, not destroyed, and nothing (no amount of flooding grief) will separate me from my God. So half-full, half-empty, or spilling over the edge…He fills my cup, He is my portion, and I will forever praise Him.